Sign me up for Luxury (1)

There is a popular saying in the city, it goes ……… “coming from wealth doesn’t matter much, what is important is that a wealthy family ultimately comes through you.”

I have always thought of it as a cliche and highly ridiculous line! Tell me, who doesn’t want to hail from the luxury and brighter side of life? No please tell me, who wants to work five times harder as opposed to living fat on a healthy family trust fund? No one I tell you, and anyone who opts for the poverty life style, is the biggest fool alive.

My thoughts swing back and forth like a clock’s pendulum failing at it’s renowned job of telling time. This was never how I wrote my destiny with God! “I mean, I exude wealth; money absolutely fits my persona, best of all, I possess the looks, so why do I stench from cheap perfumes and adore myself with mediocre clothings?” The crack on my laptop screen stared back at me as I struggled to connect with another angry customer. This customer was calling to bathe me with more insults.

Honestly, if the company policies didn’t reiterate our compulsory courtesy to customers, some of them would have been dealt the sharp end of my tongue. They are absolutely clueless of my Yoruba insult capabilities.

Nah, this life isn’t mine, it just can’t be. Something must have gone wrong somewhere and I intend to rectify it by crook or by hook.

The baby girl life style I crave doesn’t involve jumping buses with maniacs who fly in through bus windows to preserve seats.
Instead, it is one with a driver and fleet of cars at my disposal. This is my goal and I intend to achieve it, courtesy of my twin sister.

But for the fact that Rolake is my twin, I would have screamed to the world that she is the biggest “mumu” alive. Calling off her wedding to one of the most eligible bachelors in town, quarter to the wedding is the craziest thing I have ever witnessed.

Who does that? No tell me?

Who gives up an assured world of luxuries with no reasonable explanation? The response I got when I asked “why” was………..

“Folake, you can’t understand. It’s more than meets the eye. The less you know the better for you.”

What the hell does that mean? Her words made no sense. Though we are identical twins, our mindsets are worlds apart. Sometimes, I wonder what goes on in that head of hers. Unfortunately where looks are concerned, we are spitting images of each other, our only significant difference is the disparity in height; she is slightly taller than I am. For the first time however, I intend to take advantage of our identical look.

If Funso was willing to look past our height difference and take me instead, I honestly would be elated. Infact, I am unapologetically shameless, all I want is to secure my luxury lifestyle and future.

Alighting from the Danfo bus reinforced my confidence on the journey to Funso’s penthouse. The first day Rolake took me there, my jaw was temporarily fixed in open awe of the riches that beheld me. This Funso dude has something we refer to as “bastard money” and I am absolutely ready to do whatever it takes to tap into his riches.

My first opposition came in form of an uncouth security guard at the gate.

“ Madam, you won’t be allowed in without a proper appointment.” He scoffed.

The idiot maintained a military stance as though his life depended on the job. He didn’t seem like one willing to bend strict rules for a few Naira notes.

It took fifteen minutes of pacing to remember the weapon I actually had in my possession; Funso’s mobile no!

Without thinking further, I reached for my phone with daring speed. I must have seemed like a crazy woman, but I couldn’t care less.

Dialing his line brought on intense goose bumps.

“Calm down Folake what’s the worse that could happen?” I prep In soliloquy. After a few seconds Funso’s baritone voice hit at the other end.

“Yes? Who am I on to?” He asked with an aura of irritation. .

“Good evening Funso, this is Folake; Rolake’s twin, she sent me to you. There are some gift items she would like to return.”

There was definitely no gift item to return, but in life sometimes, you have to fake it to make it.

The sound of the engaged tone after my statement made my heart sink. It was as though the end of the phone call mocked the feasibility of my luxurious aspirations. I was about to bow my head in shame when the ill- mannered security guard opened the gate to usher me in.

“Oga said to let you in”

Those words instantly lightened my melancholy. This was the first step, success seemed imminent.

Memories of the pent house became real again as I walked through it’s corridors. Funso was seated in the living room with a bland, but calm facial expression.

“Yes? What did she send through you.” He spoke in a hurry. .

“Listen, Rolake didn’t send me here, I came on my volition. “

“What for?” He spoke, obviously irritated and on the brink of anger.

“ I have come to make things better.” I immediately respond with high hopes.

“Is this some sort of silly joke? Your sister called off our wedding weeks to the D-day and you are here to do what exactly?”

“How do you intend to make things better? How do I deal with the funds wasted on an elaborate preparation? How about the embarrassment the wedding’s cancellation would cause once word gets out? You better leave here before I call security to throw you out. “ his voice reverberated across the room.

“Calm the hell down! What I am trying to tell you is that I can take her place and save you the embarrassment. Trust me, no one would notice.” Folake immediately chipped in.

“Are you crazy?” He asked before bursting into bouts of laughter

“No, I am not. Rolake lost gold and I am here to make a timely recovery. Trust me, I would give you more love and respect than she could have ever given you. Don’t worry about my family, I can handle them. “

His head to toe scrutiny in response to my speech made me quiver. It was difficult to predict his next move.

“You won’t regret this.” I quickly add to buttress my points.

“Well, I know I won’t, but the question here is……would you?” He smirked.

“Of course not! trust me I thought hard and long about this proposal before coming here today. What is the worst that could happen really? I am all in,” she concluded.

Funso had a silly and almost sinister grin on his face.

“Then let’s do this….I am in too.”